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Top 5 signs you bought a bad Christmas tree:
5. Two feet tall, forty feet wide
4. Salesman's opening line: "You're not a cop, are you?"
3. It looks suspiciously like a broom handle with a lot of coat hangers stuck into it
2. Each branch has "Duraflame" printed on it
1. Some guy named Mujibur puts a cheap Statue of Liberty on top of it
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